The myth of male unfaithfulness
There is an insidious myth that is being perpetuated with greater urgency than ever in our generation. It is a myth that has taken root in the consciousness of our society and is systematically harming relationships and marriages. The subject of my concern is the myth that it is simply natural for men to be unfaithful. I bristle whenever I hear, see or read something in the media that seeks to promote this mindset. I am by no means suggesting that infidelity is limited to men; both men and women can and sometimes will be unfaithful. Indeed, there has undoubtedly been a rise in infidelity on both sides within the last two decades. However, there seem to be concerted attempts to normalise infidelity in men in particular and that’s the situation I am seeking to address in this article.
There’s a societal expectation that women should be faithful in relationships but it appears that same expectation is not always placed on men. Somewhere along the line, even in the Christian community, we have bought into the myth that infidelity is normal in males. Wives are encouraged to tolerate unfaithfulness in their husbands as long as their physical needs are being met by their husbands. This is a dangerous myth that makes faithful men feel like a minority and encourages otherwise good men to cultivate loose morals because the world tells them ‘That’s just how men are’. I feel the need to highlight that, ‘That’s not just how men are’. There are faithful men out there who live by high moral standards. I can testify to that.
I am eternally grateful for the fact that my husband has stayed faithful to me for 21 years of marriage. Prior to marriage he demonstrated that same level of fidelity throughout our 7 year courtship. I do not take this for granted. My husband was taught by his father before him that the measure of a man is that he can be faithful to one wife for life. My father-in-law recently passed away having been married and faithful to one wife for 67 years. What an example!
My husband grew up assuming that men should be faithful to their wives and I have seen him make conscious choices to honour that heritage. I have watched him deliberately place boundaries around himself to protect that heritage of faithfulness. Because of that I trust him implicitly and value him highly. I know this is not the norm but I wish it was. What if faithful men were the new normal? What if we could raise our daughters knowing that when we give them into the hands of a man who pledges to love them faithfully, he really will? What if we could encourage generational faithfulness?
To every man reading this, why not make it one of your goals to consciously begin a cycle of generational faithfulness in your family, even if you did not have good examples growing up. It may be that you have made mistakes in your past but that does not preclude you from making changes going forward and leaving a legacy of fidelity for your children. If you have sons, teach them the virtues of faithfulness and lead them by example. If you have daughters, train them to expect faithfulness as the norm rather than settling for someone who will break their heart and trust. Let them know that it’s a blessing to be rejected by a man because they refuse to lower their standards to gratify premature sexual desires before he places a wedding ring on their finger. Raise them to confidently protect their purity for a man who is worthy of such a precious prize rather than bowing to pressure hoping to win love by compromise. Trust God to help you raise faithful children.
To every faithful man out there, I salute your courage. Keep the flag flying as a testimony that it is possible to be a faithful man in a degenerate world. To every wife blessed with a faithful man, don’t take your husband’s faithfulness for granted. Appreciate his commitment; enjoy and celebrate the privilege of being the sole focus of his desire; keep your sex life fresh. To every woman seeking God for a husband, trust God for a faithful one who upholds biblical standards. Don’t assume that you have to settle for less.
Lastly, if you are reading this and your marriage has been tainted by unfaithfulness, God can bring restoration to your home if there is heartfelt repentance and forgiveness. If you have given room to infidelity in your life, challenge yourself to a higher standard. You are more than your sex drive. You are bigger than your emotions. You can be a faithful spouse going forwards if you accept God’s grace to help you live differently. Similarly, if you have been on the receiving end of infidelity and your spouse has asked for your forgiveness, let God work in your heart and give you the grace to forgive and trust again. Out of the ashes of hurt and pain, God can restore your marriage and give you a testimony that will inspire others.
