What Cinderella didn’t tell you about finding a mate
Everybody loves a good story but some stories transcend generations without losing relevance, probably because there is something about them that speaks to our innermost hopes and dreams. Cinderella readily comes to mind and not just because it was my favourite fairytale as a child. It’s a story that never grows old with the telling. It has been re-vamped, modernised and adapted for adult audiences but the storyline has endured and has captured the hearts of many.
We all identify with the injustice Cinderella was subjected to by her step-family, her miraculous transformation by her god-mother and her show-stopping debut at the royal ball. Her dramatic exit from the ball before midnight paves the way for the most endearing part of the story in which the captivated Prince engages in a search for his soulmate, the only lady in the entire kingdom whose foot could fit in the glass slipper.
Sometimes it is difficult to draw a distinction between fantasy and reality. Somewhere in our minds, we all have some form of a glass slipper; a description or specification of our ideal soulmate which we subconsciously believe only one person in the universe can adequately fill. Glass-slipper thinking has many singles seeking for perfect relationships and therefore rejecting promising relationships. Somewhere in our minds we long for fairytale relationships; we seek for a partner who will anticipate our every need before we think it; someone who will say and do the right things on cue without being asked. We carry a mental snapshot of what the perfect mate would look like and reject anything that does not fit that picture. We assume that when we meet this ‘perfect’ partner, our relationship will be effortlessly perfect. What Cinderella didn’t tell you about finding a mate is that neither she nor her prince were perfect, but they were suited for each other, imperfections and all. This is the bit we need to come to terms with.
The glass slipper in your mind acts as a filter with which you sort the people you meet daily. When you meet single members of the opposite sex, you subconsciously filter them neatly into the ‘could be’ and ‘could never be’ categories. This is okay to a point but the challenge is that if your ‘filter’ is faulty, you might strain out the right people and admit the wrong people into your inner circle. For instance, we all tend to subconsciously filter people based on how they are packaged and whether or not they are pleasing to our eyes. Yet, sometimes what we need does not come in the precise package that we want. What you need is love…true love. What you want might be true love in a size 10 with long wavy blonde hair (all hers!) or true love in a 6’ 6” broad-shouldered African package.
What if you found true love in a slightly or even radically different package, would it change the fact that it was true love? What I’m simply saying is that we all harbour some prejudices that we need to get rid of. Don’t write people off simply because when you first meet them they don’t seem like your type. Give yourself a chance to make friends with all kinds of people. How many friends do we all have who have turned out to be much nicer people than our first impressions of them? As a side thought, I find it interesting that many married people look much better after marriage than they ever did while they were single!
Let’s keep the main thing the main thing and differentiate between desires and deal-breakers. Some things cannot be compromised, like a love for God and His Kingdom, integrity, kindness and vision, but some other desires are perhaps not as vital as we think. There is a human tendency to major on appearances but if we could see a lot more like God sees, it would radically transom our view of life and our relationships.
