How to weather a storm in your marriage
Storms come to every marriage at some stage, and they come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. No one likes to talk about storms but they show up nonetheless. Storms are a fact of life woven into the fabric of every marriage. The Bible makes it clear that storms will come; they are part of the human experience. We would rather avoid them but we can come out stronger if we face them with courage. If you are going through a storm right now, the one thing to remember is that it’s not the category of storm you face that determines whether your marriage will survive; it’s the foundation you have built your marriage upon. Storms don’t destroy marriages; they simply reveal what the marriage is made of. If you’re currently in the eye of a storm in your marriage, be assured that your marriage can survive and even thrive. Here are three key things to focus on when you’re working your way through a challenge in your home.
Face your storms as a team
The first thing you need to be alert to is the propensity of a storm to turn partners into foes. Sometimes when couples face tough times, rather than facing the storm hand-in-hand, together as a team, they turn and begin to blame each other. Cue Adam and Eve. As soon as things began to fall apart in the romantic Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve quickly began to trade blame. That tendency is still alive and well in their descendants. We all have a tendency to focus on fixing the blame rather than fixing the situation.
Blame can very quickly lead to the disintegration of a relationship. It pitches couples on opposing sides and dismantles their defences against the onslaught of life’s challenges. Refuse to play the blame game. Stick together no matter what. Stand shoulder to shoulder and fight the situation together. Apportioning blame, regardless of who may be at fault, does nothing to fix the problem. It only weakens the foundations of the marriage. Couples need to be able to extend grace to each other even when costly mistakes have been made on either side.
Refuse to play the victim
One of the things that make it most difficult to deal with storms in life is when we have an erroneous perspective of the storm. Every marriage has its own share of challenges. What makes the difference between those that fail and those that succeed is the attitude with which we face those challenges.
Attitude is a direct result of perspective. The way you view your situation will determine how you respond to it. If you convince yourself that everybody else is better off than you, that you have been cheated by God, that God is not helping you out like He should, or that you have been hard done by, it becomes difficult to view that situation positively. ‘Victim mentality’ is a thoroughly disempowering mindset.
When you focus upon the unfairness of your situation, it becomes very difficult to see just how blessed you are in other areas. Things may be going well in every other area of life but as humans we tend to make an obsession out of the one thing that seems to be going wrong. That is a natural tendency that we must fight in order to gain victory over our storms. What you focus on the most becomes your idea of reality. The one remedy that helps us correct our perspective is focussing on the positives – and believe me, in every situation there is a positive if you look closely enough. When you count your blessings, it becomes more apparent that you are actually blessed; that you are in a better position than many other people in our world; and that you have been positioned for victory by God.
Pray and focus on God’s word
If you’re going through a tough time in your marriage, remember that God has not abandoned you. He is always working for our good in every situation, even when we can’t see it. Draw strength from praying with and for each other. Prayer not only changes things; it also changes us because it builds faith in our hearts and instils confidence about our final outcome. No matter how hard it might look right now, there will always be a brighter day.
As you pray, focus on God’s word for your family. Remind yourself of God’s promises and take encouragement from His word. Matthew 7:24-27 makes it clear that when we build our lives on the word of God, acting consistently on it, even when the storms come, they will pass and your marriage will remain intact. Be strong in God and in His word. God will not leave you without help. You will emerge on the other side of this storm with a story of victory because God is by your side.
